SO I MET THIS GUY...part A: yellow bird
Y’all are gonna get this specific blog post in a part A, B and C because I have some shit to get off my chest! Let 👏🏾 me 👏🏾speak 👏🏾my 👏🏾peice!
Y'all I met this guy about a month ago. He was tall, dark, and just the right amount of ugly lol! CHILE when I say black history month came RIGHT. ON. TIME!!
Before we get to the juicy meat of the person that prompted this blog post, let me pregame with y'all real quick!
Prelude, dating is a new thing for me. Meeting someone that is interesting, interested, shows equal reciprocation and that doesn't do something after a week of meeting that annoys the living fuuug out of me is difficult! I always find myself in these situations where I'm thinking or even questioning "Am I personally doing something wrong or is dating really just this trash!!?" Having a religious background I was always taught that men do the pursuing and if a man knows what he wants, he'll go after it. While I do believe this to be true, I also believe that in today's age of dating you may need to take a different approach. In addition to my spiritual beliefs on dating, I was also extremely self conscious and insecure growing up. I fit all of the stereotypes; I was chubby, I had glasses, I had braces, I was nerdy, and I was dark skinned (knock it TF off looking at me with those judgy eyes! We ALL know that y'all JUST started appreciating chocolate women for our beauty! *eye roll*)... so yeah that was that. Me allowing a man to do the searching and take the lead, worked perfect for me because I was too scared to do it myself anyway!
Fast forward into adulthood; I grew into those things and I fell in love with those things about myself! You know being fat (don't flinch, your daddy LOVES IT) , wearing glasses (a bish got contacts now, EEEOOOWWW) , being nerdy now evolved into being very educated and extremely outspoken, which people now love at this age *eyeroll again** and we all know how y'all drool over the chocolate folks now! In addition to that, as I grew older and matured I began to discover who I was and the self confidence began to come. Only thing that remained the same was I still didn't know how to approach guys or at least on purpose with intentions of dating.
I have a very outgoing, take charge personality and I'm a natural born flirt, so meeting people has never been an issue for me, but actually going out and approaching men/or being approached for dating purposes was never an area of ease for me! Here I was at the age of 26 and had NEVER been on a date (for clarification, I had never even been on what half of this generation considers a date either because my definition and most of you all's definition of a date are totally different!).
In 2016 I met this guy at church (those niggas be the worst ones!!) Segway, remember that thing from a few blogs ago when I told y’all about me wanting to heal folks?...keep that in mind...
...So I met this guy and he wasn’t really “my type” but I found myself attracted to him. He was quiet, reserved and had an overall chill persona about him which instantly caught my attention! His mystery was intriguing and very attractive. A friend told him that I found him interesting (later down the line I honestly think they were more interested in each other) and he approached me about it instead of playing middle man, which I totally respected! He gave me his number and told me to hit him up so that we could set up dinner. OKUURTT!
Bitch, there were so many red flags that popped off in the process of trying to set up a date to go out, that I should’ve taken for face value! The 1st time we were supposed to go out, he never really set a day in stone due to our schedules, so both of the days we thought would work came and passed and I didn’t hear anything. Ok, 1st mistake.
The 2nd time we were supposed to link after a church meeting (which I assumed would make the likelihood of him cancelling very slim) WRONG! He sent a message to the group chat a few hours before the meeting saying he couldn't make it and then I knew it was coming...yup he cancelled. Texted me (quite a while after the group chat message might I add) talking about he had a “family emergency“ that he had to tend to and unfortunately he had to cancel, but he was going to set something up. 2nd mistake.
**Can I add that throughout this entire process, he was absolutely HORRIBLE at communicating. I discussed that with him and he promised to be better at communicating and use his phone more...BLAH BLAH BLAH! His ass continued that behavior!** 3rd mistake.
Now at this point in my regular, everyday sane life I would’ve for sure blocked his ass and maybe had sassed him off for the inconsistency AND the disrespect, but I had to see this man in church ER’ SUNDAY! And I did see him every Sunday & he would act like everything was ok! Also I didn’t want to come off as a bitch, seem overly aggressive, or look pressed about it. I wanted to remain gentle and “lady like“ in his eyes, so instead y’all know me, I tried to meet him where he was and give benefit of the doubt. “Well what if he’s going through something?”, “What if he really did have an emergency!”... someone look at your neighbor and say,
”BRIANA! It is NOT your place to heal folks and accept disrespect as a form of payment for your services!”
While remaining understanding I had totally lost interest, was disappointed and honestly my feelings were a bit hurt.
I'm at work one day not too long after the last cancelled date; in a space where I've moved on and I receive a voicemail from him. He's saying, "I want to apologize to you. I really don't want you to think that I'm intentionally standing you up because that's not the case at all! I truly want to apologize because you don't deserve to be treated that way at all"...NIGGA TELL ME SOMETHING I DONT KNOW!!... he proceeds to say that he still wanted to go out and chop it up soon.
I took some time to assess the situation and process the voicemail and I decided to call him back. Do you know this man didn't even have a voicemail set up...grown ass 29 year old man with no voicemail! TF!? Not even the prerecorded siri one! Needless to say, I texted him back, took the initiative and in my typical "Briana takes charge of the situation" way of doing things, I set up the date. I told him where we were going, when we were going and the time...be there or be square! 4th & 5th mistake.
We went on the date, he rode his bike there and showed up in a hoodie, but nevertheless we went on the date, right? I remember being so excited and anxious to go on this date that I had ignored all of the signs that should have made me say HELL NO!" in the first place! The date itself actually wasn't that bad. We got to know one another and as we indulged a bit deeper it all made sense. I was attracted to the parts of this man that were broken. After we chatted for a bit we went on a nice little walk and that concluded our date. He sent a message afterwards saying that he enjoyed himself and that we should definitely hang out again...and then he ghosted me...
to be continued......
in 2019 let’s vow to SAY HOW/WHAT YOU FEEL AND MEAN IT.